cooking4models

R.I.P. Tiff

2006-10-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Hi, this is Tiff's roommate Caroline. This Saturday morning, Tracee and I found Tiff on the floor with a Twinkie bag over her head. We tried to revive her but mouth-to-mouth is all lezzie and we think that's gross. BEcause she loved her blog so much, Tracee and I are going to keep it going in her memory. Flowers and donations can be sent to ELLE MAGAZINE c/o Tracee and Caroline. We'll miss you Tiff! We LUVed you!

cookin' FO my bitchEZZZ

2006-10-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

i cook fo my bitchezzz all the dtime---- word up karolin and TRACEE!!!
last nnight i made CAZLONES exept instead of bred i used lo-fat pita and insteasd of sauce i ussed tomato POWDA and insteead of cheese i used SKIM milk
them bixtchez called it nasty but i tolld them they were stupid hos
den carl made us take us take our ctops off... what a doosh!! sometimess i think hee shouldn't kep us loked here. like we're his SLAVVEs or somethin! we've all beeen here since we were 7

karIN carrpanter

2006-10-12T08:05:00.000-07:00

people askk who my herro is and i always say KARIN CARPanter beacuse SHE knew who to be beauytiufl and how to singg without getting FATTT
i swish i knew how to sing but i know how nott to be a FATTIE
here iss my tip of the dayy:
COUNT YOURR BITTES!! youu get 20 BITES a da y!! then you lose wait
carl taught me thiss trick
but it's 11 AM and i'm alreaddy up to bite 12 :( :( :(
thank god i havve my carpenters cdd playing!! im on thee topp of the worrrld

pilzz pills piLLS!!

2006-10-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

carl gave me my pillz again today THANK GODDD
i lurve my pills they make me feeel sooo goood

so
want to know a seccret? sometimes i don't eat for THREEE DAYS but not to stay skniny, it's called FASTing stupid. gondee did it. i can do it too!! it's for religon reasons, that's why i do it. i was razed JEWISH but then i started cdating carl and he HATES THE JEWS (can i write that here?)) it's ok, it's not like we brake menoraz or anything. i sometimes wwish carl would elet me eat a latke. i used to like latkes

Ennui

2006-10-09T22:39:00.000-07:00

I am plagued with a deep and troubling sense of ennui. Tonight Carl stopped feeding me my usual pills (the ones he demands I take each morning) and I find as if a fog has been lifted, though I am troubled at what I find. Who is this person I have become? Is a model really the thing I want to be? Perhaps I shall sip some Sauternes and watch the water out the window. My life feels oh so hopeless.

the dayy of a SHOOT

2006-10-09T07:31:00.001-07:00

the dayy of a shoot, CARL wakes me up ansd is like LETS GO FATASS and i'm like one second carl i'm hungry but he says ARE YOU NUTS its a shoot day so he puts a plastic bag on my head for my breathing exersises and then when i pass out i waske up in a van and we go to the locastion
todasy's location was a warehouse in brooklyn
tehre were men there with leather masks and chains but that's just carl's sense of humor
i asked one for a twinkie but carl said he'd put the bag on my heads again
= then i went to the bathroom and snuck a rice cake!! it was delicious

I HATEE you!!

2006-10-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

i just read your comments WHO ARE OYU LOOSERS@!!! telling me i should learn how to spell PUHLEEZ as if Claudia Schiffffer knew how to spell or IMONN
not that i'd marry daivd bowie or anything!!
but seriously you guys are LAME
at least i have a blog
at least iahve a life
and i'd never leave carl he's my MNAGER hellO!!!!! though he did lock me in today for eating a twinkei . that was bad of me

sunday morninng breakfast

2006-10-08T08:28:00.000-07:00

i love to cook breakfast for my girls n Sunday morningg! these are my GIRLZ
todday is no exception
i am going to make egg beater milkshaeks
pour one carton of egg beaters
1 gallon of skim milk
into a blender and blend
YOU HAVE TO DRINK IT IN ONE SWALLOW OR YOUR DOING THE DISHES!!

fatt people, a poem

2006-10-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel bad for peple who are fat
they are so fat!
but sommetimes i am jealous
because they dont have to live in a room
with other models
and a lock on the outside

recipe: rice cakes WITH TEARS

2006-10-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

last night i was SOOO mad cause carl left and locked me in AS USUAL and all i had were my rice cakes
i started breaking them into little pieces and looking at their shapes and i was like THESE ARE SO BEAUTIFUL because you knwo i really like art and if i could've gone to skool i wold've studied ART
but instead i was like dcrying cause carl doesn't know about this blog and i was thinking what if i didn't have to be a modle and i could be an artist you know?????!
and i chewed the rice cakes and wondrrd what my purpsoe is in life
then i spat them out

carl

2006-10-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

carl is throwing fritos at me and i am going to KILL him... these things STANK and carl is my boyfriend but he always tells me that he can sleep around if he wants to but WHATEVER
what i want ot know is why do boys get to eat fritos and chips and not get FAT and girls have to eat AIR and water all the time!?? it's like some kind of inequation or somethun
and why sdoes carl get to leave thes apt at night and ih ave to stay here? and why is the lock on the OUTISDE?!!!
carl is also my manager

crystal LITE snooters

2006-10-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

Girls, you ever feel like you drink so much fluid you're going to drown?! i've been there honey
FACT: drinking water makes you pee
FACT: peeing makes you lose water
FACT: losing water makes you lose weight
duh!
you don't want to add things to the water cause that'll make you fat, right?
SO
you can do what i do and follow my recipe for crystal lite snooterz (that's what we call them in our SOHO apt!)

crystal lite snooterz
(serves ONE)

ingredients:
crystal lite (preferably pink lemonade)

1. taek crystal lite out of packet
2. spread on a mirror (look at yourself, aren't you HOT!)
3. put in a line and SNORT

Mmmm! No fat at ALL and all the flavor you would ever wnat. i love it

my personal FOOD philosophee

2006-10-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

people say to me TIFF your a model, you live with two models and you have such a hot bod.... how do you cook ALL THE TIME?
i say to them three things:
1. look, just because i cook all the time doesnt mean i eat everything i cook... THROW IT OUT GIRLS! that's the first trick

"that's wasteful"
AS IF! it's not wasteful if it's fun, bitches. LOL

2. you can cook withOUT fat... just throw out your pans.
FACT: if you put something in a pan without fat it will probably stick
FACDT: you can throw out your pans

3. Barfing is wrong, but SPITTING OUT after you CHEW isn't.
Think about it:
- chewing gives you all the flavor you want
- spitting it out keeps the fat out of your body

So GIRLS if you want to be hot and skinny and pretty like me but you like to cook and it's your obsession it really is possible. that's what this blog's about